Yuri, Yaoi, Threesome and Tapdancing
by beexfeatheryduster
Summary: Slight madness at Hogwarts, mostly ruled by overwhelming sexual desire. What a perfect way to end a war- numerous pairings; is this a parody? I don't know


**Authors note: Madness, all I can say is that this is madness. Chaos. We are talking majorly OOC, totally, totally AU. I'm pretty much just screwing everything up majorly from canon. Oh and desire, lots of it. Yuri, threesome, yaoi and tapdancing- Bee x**

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Everything had gone to hell at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy. That was really the only way to explain the events currently taking place. Sanity, it seemed, had deserted Hogwarts' residents and nothing was the way it should be. It had all started when the Death Eaters had arrived, Voldemort at the fore, Bellatrix Lestrange and Lucius Malfoy flanking him on either side. On the sight of the Light Dumbledore was at the head, professors Mcgonogal and Snape flanking him on either side. It was at this moment that the first curse had been flung, by Bellatrix who was incensed with rage at Snape revealing his true loyalties; to Dumbledore and the side of the Light. The Dark Lord Voldemort had, in a very uncharacteristic move, turned to Bella and smacked her full across the face. Silence reigned and everyone waited with baited breath for what was to happen next. Bellatrix did nothing; she was shocked to speechlessness and inaction. Seemingly satisfed, Voldemort had returned to facing Dumbledore and the side of the Light, his Death Eaters following suit. Dumbledore took a few steps forward, walking towards Voldemort. Voldemort did the same. They met, in the middle of the expanse separating their forces, and stood toe to toe

"You should not have come here tonight Tom" Dumbledore said, his voice ringing with authority, and reverberating off the stone walls of the castle. Voldemort shook his head in disagreement and laughed that high, cold laugh that was uniquely his.

"Ah but I did and, now, you will have to deal with the consequences" Voldemort replied, watching Dumbledore carefully through slightly narrowed scarlet eyes. Dumbledore sighed heavily, appearing even older than he normally did seem.

"Very well then" Dumbledore retorted. That was when the madness first began. Dumbledore took a step back from Voldemort and began to tap dance. Both sides, Light and Dark, watched on in confusion as the great Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore tap-danced before Lord Voldemort.

"No. No. Wrong. Why did you not pivot? The routine involved a pivot, on the hell, a pivot on the heel. Like this" Voldemort tapped his foot a few times on the floor and then he raised his foot so his heel was holding him to the ground and very quickly pivoted on the spot. Dumbledore was watching him carefully and then nodded his head before following the move. Voldemort nodded in return and then they both started tap-dancing, much to the astonishment of both sides. Their leaders were tap-dancing together, and it appeared as though Voldemort were the instructor and Dumbledore the student.

After that it did not take long before everything that had been considered wrong, strange, and would never happen occurred. Voldemort and Dumbledore continued to tap dance while Lucius Malfoy ran over towards the side of the Light. Professor Mcgonogal was ready to send a curse of her own at him, but was stilled by Snape's hand on her arm. She looked over at him questioningly but he was not looking at her. He was watching Lucius. As Lucius drew closer Snape moved towards him, walking slowly before breaking out into a run of his own. They met in an embrace, each holding the other close, and then Lucius pressed his lips to Snape's.

"LUCIUS!" Bellatrix screeched loudly, unable to comprehend what she was seeing. Her Lord and Master tap-dancing with the enemy, Dumbledore, she could somehow explain that away, she could handle that. Her brother in law kissing the traitor Severus Snape, that she could not cope with. It overloaded her brain and she fell to her knees, covering her eyes as though to protect their innocence from homosexuality. Snape and Lucius continued kissing, seemingly oblivious to everything and everyone around them.

Hermione approached them, slowly, and Ron and Harry followed after her. She increased her pace and ran towards them both. Ron and Harry both lunged to try catch her but they missed and ended up landing on the cold, stone floor, hard. Hermione was level with Snape and Lucius and she tapped both of them on the shoulder. They broke off their kiss and looked to her, Snape's face filled with fury and annoyance, the same with Lucius, until they registered exactly who it was who had interrupted them. Lucius turned Hermione to face Severus and wrapped his arms around her and started kissing and nibbling her neck from behind. Severus leaned forward and pressed his lips to Hermione's. At that moment Harry and Ron, groaning with pain, lifted themselves from the ground and looked over to see what was happening. They very quickly wished that they hadn't

"HERMIONE!" Harry exclaimed as Ron turned a ghastly white before turning and retching on the floor. Hermione didn't appear to hear Harry's call, either that or she refused to listen becuase she continued to be assaulted by Snape and Lucius's lips. Everyone started running, most Death Eaters out of the door, unwilling to stay in case they witnessed more potentialy mentally scarring activities. Most of the members of the Light side, disappeared, retreating deep into the relative comfort and safety of Hogwarts. They did not want to be anywhere near the Entrance Hall. However, there were those that had some business they wished to attend to and thought that, seeing as everyone else was going ahead and doing it, that they might as well join in.

Harry was staring on, horrified but unable to look away, as Lucius bit Hermione and she tore her lips away from Snape's to moan loudly. Severus tore her robes open and then her shirt, attacking her breasts and practically tearing her bra to pieces. Thankfully, at that moment, Draco Malfoy decided to claim Harry's attention.

The blonde placed his hand on Harry's shoulder and turned him round to face him. Harry was thankful for the distraction, no longer having to watch what was going to become a very steamy and heated congress between Hermione, Snape and Lucius Malfoy. Draco placed his hand on Harry's cheek and slowly started stroking. The raven haired boy leaned in and captured Draco's lips in a heated kiss which very quickly became a thorough exploration of each others arms. They weren't the only ones who had started kissing, much to Professor Mcgonogals supreme horror and Neville Longbottom's pleasure

Ginny Weasly had been holding tightly onto Luna Lovegood's hand, fearing that she would be dying soon when they engaged the Death Eaters and the Final Battle began. Ginny knew about Hermione so she was happy to see her friend getting to give into her desire, and jealous that she couldn't give in to her own raging desire. What had been a surprise to her had been Draco Malfoy approaching Harry and then them started to kiss. Professor Mcgonoagal was standing beside Ginny and Luna and was hardly able to cope with what she was seeing. Luna turned to Ginny and whispered something in her ear. Ginny giggled and, blushing, nodded. Luna leaned in and started kissing Ginny, her hands drifting to the ginger girls breasts. She kneaded them softly and Ginny wrapped her arms around Luna, allowing her hands to caress Luna's body until they rested on the blonde girls hips. Neville Longbottom was standing not far away and watched on in amazement as Ginny and Luna kissed. A smile latched onto his face and he began to fantasize of what Ginny and Luna could do next, hoping that they would do what he was thinking of. This was like free porn to him, and it was very enjoyable to watch to say the least.

Professor Mcogonogal couldn't handle it, as her eyes took in the sight of Ginny and Luna and the last thing she saw before she fell to the ground in a dead faint was Voldemort and Dumbledore smiling and singing as they continued to tap dance. Hogwarts had gone mad, that much was evident. Mad with sexual desire, and Minerva Mcgonogal did not want to see it. Neither did Ron Weasely who had eventually stopped retching only to faint also when his eyes took in Ginny and Luna and Harry and Draco Malfoy.

And so, on the 14th March, the forces of Light and Dark met, only to find that their reason to fight was madness, and that their fight itself was madness.


End file.
